𝑃𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑀𝑦 𝑇𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑛𝑦... 𝐻𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑁𝑜𝑡 𝑇ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑀𝑒 𝑌𝐸𝑇...

“𝐼 𝐿𝐼𝐸𝐷“

You’re probably wondering what I lied about, why I lied, and why is this lie so important. Well I tried to commit suicide...

I never told anyone this before and every time someone asked me, I just told them no. I sounded sure that I was never suicidal, not knowing that I was. The only thing that was stopping me was the word of God & his 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑠.

I knew that this was against my religion and I also knew that committing suicide would send me to hell. But at the time none of that mattered.

Well let’s talk about it.

It was back in December, which was a month after my mom passed. I was holding so much 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟, ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡, & 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛 in and did not know what to do. All I knew was that I did not want to be here anymore. I constantly asked God to take me from here and let me be with my parents. I was literally speaking death over my life not knowing how powerful those words were and how they would later affect me.

Although I was scared to cut myself, shoot myself, hang myself, or any other way of harming myself, I wanted someone else to do it to me! I kept saying I wanted someone to shoot me so I wouldn’t have to deal with my pain anymore. I felt 𝑤𝑒𝑎𝑘... I felt like a 𝑛𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦...

A month later, January 31st, I had my first wreck. You’re probably thinking what does a wreck have to do with this but it actually has a lot to do with it. That wreck 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒...

A couple of weeks before the wreck I was speeding, I was going 110 when the speed limit was 55. And I ran off the road into some woods and my vehicle was in between two trees. I sat there and cried, constantly hitting the steering wheel, asking God why? Why didn’t he let it happen. I wanted to 𝑔𝑜... I wanted to 𝑑𝑖𝑒... I felt 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠...

After trying to get myself out of some mud and watching cars pass me, I decided to go back home and act like nothing ever happened.

Fast forward to January 31st, it was a rainy day and I was on the way back to class and I hit someone. I had never been so shocked and scared in my life. Although no one was hurt physically I was 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 ℎ𝑢𝑟𝑡... I asked God why? Why did this happen to me? I was so lost as to why God continued to let things happen to me. Haven’t I gone through enough Lord? None of it made sense & at that moment I realized that God ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒 & 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒 𝑌𝐸𝑇...

The wreck left me with damage to my vehicle but I’m 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑓𝑢𝑙 no one easy hurt & that the man did not want me to pay for the little damage I caused to his car.

This is rather a long blog. But I have been trying to ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙. And after praying today, this was something I needed to release and stop holding on to. I want each and every one of you to know that God is NOT through with you 𝑌𝐸𝑇... You have a 𝑝𝑢𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑒 here on earth & although suicide seems so bad in the eyes of some people. You never know what someone is going through and what may have led them to do it. But I thank God that 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑚𝑒... I could have been dead but I thank God for 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑒...

Be 𝐵𝐿𝐸𝑆𝑆𝐸𝐷 & know that God is not through with you 𝑌𝐸𝑇.

𝑃ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑠 1:6

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

‭