Updated: Nov 1, 2021
"Life doesn't always go the way we want it to go"
Starting 2021 off I was blogging, fasting, in the Word, singing, ready to start classes again, and creating goals to complete for the year. Months later, all of that started changing. I was discouraged, aggravated, angry, depressed, stressed, and the list goes on. I had no motivation for anything. I had enrolled in classes for Spring 2021 and I could barely get myself out of bed for the first day of class. I started missing classes and majority of my assignments. I did not want to make any excuses for myself and I knew I was not in the right mindset to continue classes so, I dropped out. Of course, I was pretending as if I was going to class just to keep people from wondering why I was not going. All I would hear was how my parents want me to go to college and it was their dream. But no one was acknowledging how I was feeling. So, I kept this smile on my face for other people, knowing that I felt worthless inside.
As time progressed, I was still feeling the same way. But at that point I was sick of it and wanted a change and I needed that change NOW! I told myself if I start feeling like I do not want to be here and that I want to take my life; I was going to immediately do something about it before it was too late.
In the month of May I took a week off from work to get myself in a better place mentally. When I was laying in bed, I started crying out of nowhere and I told God, "God, I am tired, why can't I be normal, why can't I have my parents like everyone else, why do I have to be so depressed, and why can't I just be happy, why is this so hard?" I kept crying even harder, that I took a nap before I upset myself even more. When I woke up, I started scrolling TikTok and for some odd reason, every TikTok that was on my for you page was about "moving on." So, of course, me being me, I looked up and said, "God what are you trying to tell me, and if you are trying to tell me something, please make it clear." As I continued to scroll through TikTok, I received a YouTube notification that was entitled, "I Moved To Another State." I clicked on it and I probably watched a minute of the video before I started praying, "Lord, where do you want me to move." At the moment I felt interested and intrigued about what God was trying to tell me but in the back of my head I was scared, because I had never thought about moving this early on in life until after college.
I went to the safari on my phone and I started searching different colleges. The first college that popped up was Bennett College, which I never even heard of until that day. So, I researched more about Bennett College and where it was. Then, I saw it was in Greensboro, North Carolina. Now, I am from Leesville, South Carolina and the only city I knew in North Carolina was Charlotte. Which you can see, I did not get out much. So, everything was new to me and I had no clue what I needed to do. The next day came and I decided to call the registrar at USC Aiken which is the college I was going to at first, and they straight up told me I could not come back because I had withdrew from my classes too many times, and they were not going to accept my financial aid. I was disappointed but I was also thinking, this is my chance for a change.
I applied for Bennett College, applied for jobs, and an apartment. Within the same week, I was accepted into college, I had an apartment, and a job. I was in awe of how quickly things were happening. I wanted to keep it to myself but I also wanted to tell my sister. So, one day my sister said that we should go out to eat and of course I was down with going, because I knew it would be the perfect time to tell her. I shared it with my grandma, my friend, and a few other family members. I was happy that some people were supportive of my decision and that they were excited for me. August 14, 2021 I moved to North Carolina to better my life.
Here we are today, October 30, 2021 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Doing well in school, a job, and back to where it all started; blogging. I am thankful for the ups and the downs during my journey. There is a lot more to the story and it is still being written. But in my time of going through depression and wanting to give up, I always depended on God. My walk with Christ is the foundation of my journey and who I am. I never imagined living my 20's this way but God had other plans for me. I share this blog with you to show you, that it is never too late to make a change to better yourself. God will be there with you every step of the way. Step out on faith, depend, and trust in God; that He will see you through. Not everyone is going to support your decision. Not everyone is going to be there for the ride in your journey, and that is okay!
I won't tell you that it is easy because it is not. Sometimes it takes others longer to get where they need to be but that does not mean you should stop believing in God and His Word. His Word teaches us that, God never leaves us nor forsakes us, and that He never puts more on us than we can bear. I am a believer and can testify that God keeps His promises. This is a fairly long blog post, but it is part of Maw's Journey. I pray that you continue to follow this journey and that you will be encouraged.